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Amusing Poems
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
Amusing Poems

I thought that it might be amusing to have a thread of (short) poems which amuse us.

No limericks please - they might upset the mods.


NJSS
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #19888844th Oct 2018 1:02 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
The pig got up and slowly walked away !

One night in late October,
When I was far from sober,
Returning with my load with manly pride,
My feet began to stutter,
So I lay down in the gutter,
And a pig came near and lay down by my side;
A lady passing by was heard to say:
"You can tell a man who boozes,
By the company he chooses,"
With that the pig got up and slowly walked away.
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #19888854th Oct 2018 1:03 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
Don't poke my fire

If it's warmth that you desire,
Then poke your wife and not my fire,
If you lead a single life,
Then poke some other Censored 's wife,
Poke his wife or poke your own,
But leave the bloody fire alone!
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #19888864th Oct 2018 1:04 pm
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Grianaig
 


Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286

Scotland 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Indus SilverDiscovery 4

Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up
 2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.  
Post #19888874th Oct 2018 1:04 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
A Lovely Hand

Last night I held a lovely hand,
It was so small and neat,
I thought my heart with joy would burst
So wild was every beat.

No other hand unto my heart
Could greater pleasure bring
Than the one so dear I held last night.





Four Aces and a King
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #19888884th Oct 2018 1:06 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
Have You Ever Seen ?

Have you ever seen a sheet on a river bed?
Or a single hair from a hammer's head?
Has the foot of a mountain any toes?
And is there a pair of garden hose?

Does the needle ever wink its eye?
Why doesn't the wing of a building fly?
Can you tickle the ribs of a parasol?
Or open the trunk of a tree at all?

Are the teeth of a rake ever going to bite?
Have the hands of a clock any left or right?
Can the garden plot be deep and dark?
And what is the sound of the birch's bark?
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #19888894th Oct 2018 1:09 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
Crime Scene

There's been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.

A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman's spouse.

He'd just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.

The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He'd never forget that terrible day.

He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,

Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.

''Who could have done this terrible thing?''
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring

''Just look at the clues,'' replied Sergeant Miller.
''It looks like the work of a cereal killer.''
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #19888904th Oct 2018 1:11 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
The Land Rover

Tinkle, Tinkle little car
How I wonder what you are.

Leaking oil every day
Having it all your own way.

Going up hills real slow
I don't want you any mo'.

Tinkle, Tinkle little car
Boy, what a lemon you are.
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #19888924th Oct 2018 1:16 pm
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12676

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

oh dear … I sense you've bought a poetry book from the place Astonbuilder gets his joke books. Laughing
  
Post #19888974th Oct 2018 2:03 pm
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DrLex
 


Member Since: 15 Jul 2005
Location: Ciderspace [Oi be in Zummerset]
Posts: 4863

Iceland 

{blows dust off old joke book}


The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled;
Twit!



Ode to the taxman
Four pounds, three shillings and ninepence.
 Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Member of Club Med Sucks 
 
Post #19889004th Oct 2018 2:20 pm
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Pelyma
  


Member Since: 06 Jan 2005
Location: Patching, Sussex
Posts: 15496

England 

If only the last one were true Big Cry
 DS3 TDV6 HSE - Silver with Alpaca (old one) Gone
DS3 TDV6 HSE- Silver with Alpaca (new one) Gone
D4 HSE Lux - Montalcino Red Gone
Porsche Cayenne V8 Diesel S 
 
Post #19889054th Oct 2018 2:34 pm
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astonbuilder
 


Member Since: 29 Sep 2006
Location: MIDLANDS
Posts: 8044

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4

Hardware17 wrote:
oh dear … I sense you've bought a poetry book from the place Astonbuilder gets his joke books. Laughing


Libellous Shocked
  
Post #19889114th Oct 2018 3:20 pm
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DSL
Keeper of the wheelie bin 


Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 72742

Ukraine 

You can’t just have one wider as a poem!

Not that I can do any better with libellous. Whistle
   
Post #19889124th Oct 2018 3:23 pm
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12676

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?





























(Spike Milligan)
  
Post #19889284th Oct 2018 4:34 pm
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kajtzu
 


Member Since: 10 Aug 2017
Location: Helsinki
Posts: 6538

Finland 2005 Discovery 3 4.4 V8 HSE Auto Cairns BlueDiscovery 3

These are great, keep it going Thumbs Up Thumbs Up

(Also astonbuilder’s jokes)

Rolling with laughter
  
Post #19889314th Oct 2018 4:44 pm
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