Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
European Council of Man Laws feels there may be a necessity
European Council of Man Laws feels there may be a necessity to refresh men of certain laws.
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
eaten by his friends.
4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At
that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's
choice.
7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your
girlfriend.
10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and
only when it's free.
11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
17. Nev er hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.
18. Nev er allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
if necessary.
19. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have
carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
occurs about what a big mistake it was.
20. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
21. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime, green,
yellow, orange or sky blue.
22. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?'
with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 or a
Playstation - End of story.
23. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever.
24. Nev er wear a man bag to work.
25. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed below:
- 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you
still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
- 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on
the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The European Council of Man LawsPractice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
21st Sep 2009 8:37 pm
ad15
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: up that tree
Posts: 4866
1.c done that.....and his son's... at teh same time
21.. mines tonga green.... is that wrong????
good work kevi... one wife.......livid
21st Sep 2009 8:42 pm
Roel
Member Since: 16 Aug 2008
Location: home
Posts: 1215
Nice, but have a problem with 21 too:
Click image to enlarge
Mine is Tangier Orange.Roel
1997 Camel Trophy Disco ex-P101JWK (traded it for a Britains 42101)
1984 90 TD5
2005 G4 Disco 3 BN55WPT
Also member of club MTR
and Club Faultmate
Interested in my 4x4 history see my website: www.mudmachine.webklik.nl
Sorry it's in Dutch and with google translator it gets funny.
22nd Sep 2009 12:25 pm
ad15
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: up that tree
Posts: 4866
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