DiscoDunc
Member Since: 08 May 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 16390
  
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| International Security Levels |
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Subject: INTERNATIONAL SECURITY LEVELS
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated"
or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last
time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "  Off" to "Let's
get the b ds " They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and
the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all
of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron
of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is
" , I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Two more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think
we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no
situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Canadians are holding a public enquiry on the matter, have hired
federal teams of bilingual grief counsellors and are controlling the situation
through pieces of carefully-worded legislation which are currently on hold as the
House is not sitting. Duncan
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If I'd known I was going to be so thirsty this morning I'd have drunk more beer last night.
FFRR Autobiography 4.4 SDV8 MY17
D4 HSE MY13 SOLD
FFRR 3.6 Vogue TDV8 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D4 SE TECH MY15 SOLD
D4 XS MY12 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D3 HSE MY06 - Re-Cycled Worldwide
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 19th Jan 2010 6:53 pm |
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Hassle
Member Since: 19 Nov 2008
Location: Sleaford
Posts: 723
  
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Already Posted 
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| 19th Jan 2010 7:00 pm |
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DiscoDunc
Member Since: 08 May 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 16390
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I really should waste more time browsing this site Duncan
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If I'd known I was going to be so thirsty this morning I'd have drunk more beer last night.
FFRR Autobiography 4.4 SDV8 MY17
D4 HSE MY13 SOLD
FFRR 3.6 Vogue TDV8 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D4 SE TECH MY15 SOLD
D4 XS MY12 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D3 HSE MY06 - Re-Cycled Worldwide
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| 19th Jan 2010 7:07 pm |
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Russell
Member Since: 24 Aug 2007
Location: Kent
Posts: 10564
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INCREASED TERRORIST THREAT LEVELS
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of London in 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from " Off" to "Let's get the b ds " They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides Again"
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their "Friends and Allies", just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere, New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!"(of course SP could be immigrating and news has just got out). Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "s!$%, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
India has 3 levels of security the first is called "The Wedding" because all the infighting is of the guerrilla type. The 2nd is called "Marriage" where adversity becomes the Norm, the 3rd and final level is called "The Kama Sutra" because no matter what position you take, you're going to get screwed. MY17 D5 1st Edition Namib Orange
MY15 D4 HSE Kaikoura Stone
MY12 D4 HSE Nara Bronze Sold and gone
MY11 D4 HSE Stornaway Grey Sold and gone
D3 S spec Silver Sold and gone
Tow bar, full length roof bars, side steps, tow bar storage unit, surround camers.
D4 camera club
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| 24th Jan 2010 4:38 pm |
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