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JamesG01
Member Since: 30 Apr 2009
Location: Worthing
Posts: 376
  
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Thought these might survive the trip across the Atlantic (feel free to insert favourite region):
Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Louisiana
A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep", he replied. "That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.
You can say what you want about the South,
But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North. On the other hand ... 55-Reg Java Black SE, Unlocked SatNav (via Wiggs and Bodsy), Nudge Bar/Driving Lamps/RAI, Front & Rear Lamp Guards, RLD Sump Plate, RLD spare wheel protector
"Every movie-going moron knows that only a mining company could be evil enough to attack Smurfs living in a rainforest." - Doug Casey
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 10th Dec 2009 9:30 am |
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tanters
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
 
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I loved Forrest Gump  A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
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| 10th Dec 2009 10:32 am |
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TSR2
Member Since: 22 Jul 2008
Location: North Lincolnshire
Posts: 1104
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| 10th Dec 2009 10:48 am |
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kerb climber
Member Since: 06 Jul 2009
Location: oop north
Posts: 183
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I like this one, very un pc
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for
divorce
Attorney: "May I help you
Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got 'bout a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."
Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?"
Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but the baby she just had was a
nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."
 
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| 11th Dec 2009 12:46 am |
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Gareth
Site Moderator
Member Since: 07 Dec 2004
Location: Bramhall
Posts: 26701
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| 11th Dec 2009 12:51 am |
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LR3Trav
Member Since: 09 Nov 2009
Location: Chula Vista, CA
Posts: 150
 
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kerb climber wrote:but the baby she just had was..."
"Every government interference in the economy consists of giving an unearned benefit, extorted by force, to some men at the expense of others."
Ayn Rand
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| 11th Dec 2009 3:39 am |
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2DISCO3ORNOT
Member Since: 27 Apr 2009
Location: at sea
Posts: 1209
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Y'all just crossed the line 
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| 11th Dec 2009 4:04 am |
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NoDo$h
Member Since: 02 May 2006
Location: Finding new and exciting ways to milk badgers.
Posts: 19689
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8)
James, KC 
2DISCO3ORNOT wrote:Y'all just crossed the line
 I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
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| 11th Dec 2009 8:33 am |
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JamesG01
Member Since: 30 Apr 2009
Location: Worthing
Posts: 376
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ND
The big question is: If the hillbilly divorces his wife, is she still his sister? 55-Reg Java Black SE, Unlocked SatNav (via Wiggs and Bodsy), Nudge Bar/Driving Lamps/RAI, Front & Rear Lamp Guards, RLD Sump Plate, RLD spare wheel protector
"Every movie-going moron knows that only a mining company could be evil enough to attack Smurfs living in a rainforest." - Doug Casey
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| 11th Dec 2009 8:53 am |
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JamesG01
Member Since: 30 Apr 2009
Location: Worthing
Posts: 376
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BTW, I prefer the term Appalachian-American... 55-Reg Java Black SE, Unlocked SatNav (via Wiggs and Bodsy), Nudge Bar/Driving Lamps/RAI, Front & Rear Lamp Guards, RLD Sump Plate, RLD spare wheel protector
"Every movie-going moron knows that only a mining company could be evil enough to attack Smurfs living in a rainforest." - Doug Casey
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| 11th Dec 2009 9:26 am |
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tanters
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
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JamesG01 wrote:
The big question is: If the hillbilly divorces his wife, is she still his sister?
Boy, you is gonna fit right in these parts A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
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| 11th Dec 2009 10:13 am |
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