astonbuilder
Member Since: 29 Sep 2006
Location: MIDLANDS
Posts: 8044
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A successful businessman called Joe....... |
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..........started to get headaches and as he got older they got steadily worse.
Eventually they started to impact on his career and love life and both started to suffer and he decided he needed to seek medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, prodded here, poked there, tested for this and that and with no diagnosis, he finally came across an old country doctor who was sure he could solve the problem.......
"The good news is I can cure your headaches....... BUT, the bad news is that it will require you to be castrated. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates the terrible, terrible, headaches you suffer from now. It's steadily going to get worse and the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if life was worth living for. He couldn't concentrate, his health was suffering, he was being driven mad so decided he had no choice but to go under the knife......
When he left the hospital after the operation he was without a headache for the first time in 10 years, but he felt like something really important was missing. As he walked down the street, he realised that as he felt like a different person he could make a new beginning and start afresh as a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought that a new set of clothes would cheer him up and he'd start with a new suit." He entered the shop and told the man serving, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... 14st 6 pound, 5' 9", size 42 regular."
Joe was amazed, "That's right, how did you know?". The elderly tailor responded "Been in business 60 years, always spot on"
Joe tried on the selected suit. It fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the elderly tailor asked, "how about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said "yes, good idea to go with my new suit..."
The elderly tailor eyed Joe again and said "Now let's see...35" sleeves and...16 and a half neck."
Again Joe was surprised, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years, always spot on" said the elderly tailor.
Joe tried one the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar and cuffs in the mirror, the elderly tailor asked "how about some new shoes?" Joe was on a roll now and said "yep, why not"
The elderly tailor scrutinised Joe's feet and said "Let's see... 9 and a half, width F...no, make that an E"
Astonished, Joe again said "that's right, how did you know?" The elderly tailor again responded "Been in the business 60 years, always spot on". Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. He walked around the shop and the elderly tailor asked "how about some new underwear, get the whole set in one go?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "may as well as I'm here"
The elderly tailor stepped back, looked him up and down and said "Let's see... size 36"
At this Joe laughed, "Ah, got you there! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The elderly tailor shook his head, "you can't wear a size 34. They will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache........."
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12th Apr 2018 5:19 pm |
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kajtzu
Member Since: 10 Aug 2017
Location: Helsinki
Posts: 6538
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12th Apr 2018 5:53 pm |
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Hardware
Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12676
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Dean
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2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms
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12th Apr 2018 5:57 pm |
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dantheman
Member Since: 12 Mar 2010
Location: Essex
Posts: 1720
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Bill Wright will be smiling from up there!! Today is the oldest you've been and the youngest you'll ever be again.
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12th Apr 2018 6:36 pm |
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Hot Tub
Member Since: 15 Aug 2017
Location: Milton Keynes
Posts: 1071
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You have excelled yourself best yet Aston
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12th Apr 2018 7:13 pm |
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Hardware
Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12676
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Quote:You have excelled yourself best yet Aston
I hope not … he's got a lot of attempts to make up for.
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12th Apr 2018 9:11 pm |
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Ceekay
Member Since: 17 May 2009
Location: Bury
Posts: 2057
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D4 HSE Lux MY16 Club Waitomo
D3 HSE MY06 missing her still…
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13th Apr 2018 11:25 am |
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Grianaig
Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286
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2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.
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13th Apr 2018 12:58 pm |
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Oswiperus
D3 Decade
Member Since: 02 Apr 2010
Location: Chelmsford, Essex
Posts: 1590
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Stu
2016 D4 Landmark current
2022 Defender D300 SE Gone
D4 2014 XS Commercial - Gone
D4 2016 hse lux montalcino red - Gone
D3 2005 se java black - current
D3 2005 base manual - gone
D2 1999 TD5 E white - current
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13th Apr 2018 2:08 pm |
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Charliecloud
Member Since: 31 Jul 2014
Location: Tonbridge
Posts: 980
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Cracker !!
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13th Apr 2018 2:22 pm |
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Aerialmark
Member Since: 21 Jun 2015
Location: Burnley (Where the M65 is cobbled)
Posts: 5189
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Yeah got to say that made me laugh. Good one The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the best of everything they have.
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13th Apr 2018 3:44 pm |
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Timothy1
Member Since: 06 Dec 2016
Location: Tanzania
Posts: 42
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Nice one Euro Parts Arusha
Tanzania
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13th Apr 2018 5:51 pm |
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Grunders
Member Since: 30 Apr 2011
Location: Manchester
Posts: 2302
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good one.... I wondered where it was going If it ain't broke... Take it apart anyway, how else you gonna find out how it works
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13th Apr 2018 6:35 pm |
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Alan B
Member Since: 12 Feb 2013
Location: Fife
Posts: 6528
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D3 57 xs Stornaway grey
D2 02 commercial silver gone but a great servant and won't be forgotten
Iid Bluetooth
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13th Apr 2018 7:04 pm |
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