maxbasscat
Member Since: 03 Jan 2016
Location: Cambridgeshire
Posts: 1263
  
|
| Some timely advice, maybe. |
|
I thought some of you might like a different perspective of life here just before Christmas trees go up and the TV adverts roll across the screens! 
Winter Fuel Allowance: Make the most of it until the Govt. decides to take it away!
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high- definition flat screen TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't buying a TV set stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up 
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ allowance wisely:
If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to Gibraltar, Ireland &
Luxemburg
If you spend it on Amazon your money will go to Lichtenstein
If you spend it on ebay your money will go to Ireland
If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Kenya, Spain, or Morocco
If you spend it on “cheap” cigs it will end up in Romania or Bulgaria
If you give it to Oxfam 20% only will go abroad and 80% will remain in the hands of the administrators, who will spend it on fact finding missions to Cayman Islands, Thailand &
Mauritius.
If you buy a foreign car it will go to Japan, Germany, France, India or Korea.
If you buy a British car it will go to Japan, Germany or India.
If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on call girls or escorts
4. Buying cider, beer or scotch
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Therefore in conclusion:
Go to a night club with a tattooed call girl or escort that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !
It’s the patriotic thing to do.  D3 2.7 Zermatt silver (not another one)
D3 4.4 V8 Zambezi silver
D3 4.4 V8 Adriatic Blue
D3 2.7 (gone) Tonga Green
D3 4.4 V8 LHD Tonga Green
FFRR TDV8
Defender 300
|
 13th Nov 2017 3:46 pm |
|
|
waterbuoy
Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2862
  
|
A good few years ago, around this time of year, I walked into our local (actually, only) pub and was surprised when the normally cantankerous Sam offered to buy me a pint. Even more surprisingly, he did the same to everyone who walked in that night.
Finally I gave in and asked him what he was up to. He explained that he had just received his winter fuel allowance (or whatever it was called then) and, since he intended to take it 'internally', was investing for the future by buying us all a drink whilst he still had the dosh. Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
|
| 13th Nov 2017 3:56 pm |
|
|
