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WaznotWas
Member Since: 12 Jun 2008
Location: A long way from nowhere!
Posts: 1101
  
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| Tuesday humour - its been a long week already.. |
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
What is the speed of darkness?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? FORECAST FOR TONIGHT: things have happened out there!!!
The countryside is still OURS!!
Club 3 Musketeers, Club D3C, Club Midland CB, Club Vertex PMR, Club GNVP Sump Plate, Club GNVP Sliders, Club Uncle Ray Spare Wheel Protector, Club Smooth Steering Wheel, Club McStuckie
07 HSE Z Silver, black leather, Black RRS badges,
19" anthracite wheels - off, 18" Silver / General AT2's - on,
300 TDI Disco 1 - Sheltering the lawn!
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 20th Oct 2009 6:59 pm |
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TazDaz
Member Since: 07 May 2007
Location: South East Essex
Posts: 2858
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I may answer some of these ... but please bear with me while I add a few questions of my own ...
Q: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Q: Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby†when babies wake up every two hours?
Q: Why does someone believe you if you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Q: Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Q: Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Q: If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Q: How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Q: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Q: Why do toasters always have a setting so high that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Q: Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !
Q: Why is it if you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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| 20th Oct 2009 7:52 pm |
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Maverick
Member Since: 25 Jul 2007
Location: Lost on the misty mountain hop!
Posts: 2580
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| Re: Tuesday humour - its been a long week already.. |
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WaznotWas wrote:...What is the speed of darkness?
Please, lets not start this one again... 
WaznotWas wrote:If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Well, 0 degree C, if that's what you mean, is 273 Kelvin so twice as cold would be 136.5 K or -136.5 degrees C  Ben
1996 Defender 90 300 TDi
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| 21st Oct 2009 1:06 am |
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RPG
Member Since: 23 Feb 2009
Location: The End of the Earth (West Cornwall)
Posts: 712
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>The monkeys chewed it off
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
>Contentment
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
>WTF do banks know about having enough money to cover your debts!?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>They don't like getting covered in seagull poo
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
>It was an accident. The person wass trying to say they were having problems prouncing the word properly through their LIPS but they were dyslexic and it came out LISP
What is the speed of darkness?
>Dunno. Can't see it. Can you turn on the light and I'll tell you!
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
>Do normal people go to the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
>See Maverick's answer!
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
>Well, I've been married for.....God! Is that ALL!!??
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>The Egyptians were on the moon!?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
>No. I always wander when I wonder.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
>A calf.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>The universe is cold and dark. So is the freezer. It's the fridge that has got it wrong!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>Exactly!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
>In my head it would be made from....
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>Sure looks that way!
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| 21st Oct 2009 12:29 pm |
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