Sloss
Member Since: 18 Aug 2013
Location: Aberdeenish
Posts: 1691
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Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had? An elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's  and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
(Unashamedly stolen elsewhere) Stew,
2010 D4 gone but I really loved it
Went back to Merc - C350 AMG
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 23rd May 2014 7:14 am |
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stew 46
Member Since: 01 Dec 2011
Location: cornwall
Posts: 10146
  
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if you cant hold on dont let go , it ill come in handy for something even if you never use it.
D3 SE 05,
110 s wagon 300 tdi SOLD
h top transit
crew cab transit
transit connect
ausa dumper, muck truck .
peljob 2.5 digger
06 L 200 crew cab
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| 23rd May 2014 7:20 am |
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Dave T
Member Since: 03 Jul 2009
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 6902
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brilliant..... Joined the BMWX5 45e group
1994 Defender 90
2015 RRS Corris Grey/Black roof
2016 D4 Graphite Santorini Black
2012 D4 XS Orkney Grey
2005 D3 S Maya Gold
Convoy for Heroes 2011
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| 23rd May 2014 7:29 am |
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Neuon2003
Member Since: 16 Apr 2014
Location: Beverley
Posts: 210
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Fantastic [...wiping coffee off laptop]
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| 23rd May 2014 9:07 am |
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rockcrawler
Member Since: 31 Oct 2012
Location: Ferring
Posts: 2884
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That made me laugh out loud D3 Metropolis Bonatti Grey-Alpaca Leather-adaptive headlights-fridge-EGR blanking kit-Harmen Karden-Cruise-4x4 info enabled-Tinted Windows-Heated F&R Seats-Rosen rear Entertainment-LED'S everywhere -Smoked Side Repeaters-Rear Aircon-Vredestein Wintrac 4 Extreme-Puddle and Footwell Lamps-Stainless Steel Side Protection Tubes- NEW ASHTRAY ( thanks to dsd1036 )
Club BAS Remote FBH
Club MXS10 Ctek
Club Beanie Grill
Rear D4 Lamps
Geoff Gearbox Flush
BAS Remap
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| 23rd May 2014 10:03 am |
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Hairy Dan
Member Since: 19 Jan 2011
Location: Co. Durham
Posts: 12319
 
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PMSL Cheers Ian
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Club N.E.R.D.S
Kielder 4x4 Safari
Discoless
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| 23rd May 2014 1:43 pm |
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Narpy
Member Since: 18 Jul 2011
Location: Stockport
Posts: 7830
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Talking of Sainsburys, Terrys chocolate oranges are on offer for the bargain price of £1 till 27th. Mods:
Front Fogs + Halos
FBH Remote Control
The 1st Ever RRS Modded Grill
Garmin Nuvi + D4 Surround + Reversing Camera.
D4 Steering Wheel.
Rear Boot Spoiler.
Twin Brake Lights.
Wing Mirror Indicator Repeaters.
Long Roof Rails
Make your own Narpy grill thread
I'm not scared, I'm outta here.
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| 23rd May 2014 2:04 pm |
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nicedayforit
Member Since: 05 Sep 2011
Location: Beside the Solway
Posts: 369
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| 23rd May 2014 2:18 pm |
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brightsparking
Member Since: 20 Jun 2013
Location: Perthshire
Posts: 175
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Stolen and reposted elsewhere whilst the tears are still streaming from laughing
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| 23rd May 2014 2:22 pm |
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DiscoDunc
Member Since: 08 May 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 16390
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very good.
Ive been banned from Morrisons Jet Wash Duncan
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If I'd known I was going to be so thirsty this morning I'd have drunk more beer last night.
FFRR Autobiography 4.4 SDV8 MY17
D4 HSE MY13 SOLD
FFRR 3.6 Vogue TDV8 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D4 SE TECH MY15 SOLD
D4 XS MY12 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D3 HSE MY06 - Re-Cycled Worldwide
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| 23rd May 2014 2:33 pm |
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Captain Slog
Member Since: 02 Feb 2014
Location: Parallel Universe
Posts: 228
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+1 on the list of thieves! 2010 D4 HSE Ipanema Sand on GY DTs (was on GG ATs)
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| 23rd May 2014 3:43 pm |
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Pelyma
Member Since: 06 Jan 2005
Location: Patching, Sussex
Posts: 15496
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DiscoDunc wrote: very good.
Ive been banned from Morrisons Jet Wash
What for sniffing an ? DS3 TDV6 HSE - Silver with Alpaca (old one) Gone
DS3 TDV6 HSE- Silver with Alpaca (new one) Gone
D4 HSE Lux - Montalcino Red Gone
Porsche Cayenne V8 Diesel S
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| 23rd May 2014 3:45 pm |
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lineman75
Member Since: 17 Feb 2014
Location: kent
Posts: 88
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oh dear....some wee came out....
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| 23rd May 2014 5:47 pm |
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Alan B
Member Since: 12 Feb 2013
Location: Fife
Posts: 6528
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D3 57 xs Stornaway grey
D2 02 commercial silver gone but a great servant and won't be forgotten
Iid Bluetooth
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| 23rd May 2014 6:39 pm |
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CGA
Member Since: 03 May 2010
Location: Preferably horrizontal
Posts: 284
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Only an oldie, but a goodie! CGA
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| 23rd May 2014 10:55 pm |
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