Member Since: 20 Feb 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 10865
(spoken)
What's all this spunk on the duckboards?
Come on Lawrence... come on Lawrence...
Let's go out and have a prayer meeting
Take a chance with our new shotgun
Hey! Come on Lawrence!
It's time we escaped again, my son
Oi!
Come on!
aaargh
Hey, hey, take me away I hate waking up in this place
There's nutters in here who whistle and cheer
When they're watching a one-legged race
And a one-legged prefect gets me in bed
Makes me play with his dick
And One legged horn and he's shouting the odds
Driving me bloody well sick
When I get better, when I get strong
Will I be alright in the head?
They're making me well, if they're caring for me
Why do they boot me and punch me?
Why do they bash me and crunch me?
Some of the counterpanes are pink and other ones are blue
Hey, hey, take me away
From the ones that go mad every night
They're crazy and dangerous one-legged sods
Who have to sit down when they bite
One-legged Peter who knows bloody well
He's got worse ever since he came in
This other poor , he was born back-to-front
And he's always got stuff on his chin
When I get better, when I get strong
Will I be alright in the head?
Give me a sweet and accost me
I'll do hope God hasn't lost me
I know it’s brown and the walls have been scraped with blood where someone hanged themself
I hope so!
Get it?
Hey, hey, take me away
I'm the first to put last in the past
Take the handcuffs away and please do what I say
'Cos I hate the untouchable cast
I want to be normal in body and soul
And normal in thought, word and in deed
And everyone here will whistle and cheer
And be happy to see me succeed
Cheerful Charlie Ashforth
Now that I'm better, now that I'm strong
Will I be alright in the head?
Grey worry lines in all my designs
And life isn't rosy, it's red
As to why I wrote this song
I ain't done nothing wrong, but I'm unhappy
Question: Do you blame your life on life
And say it all began before the nappy?
Hey, hey, take me away
(REPEAT)
23rd Sep 2009 8:13 am
ad15
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: up that tree
Posts: 4866
one wife.......livid
23rd Sep 2009 8:17 am
Shrinky
Member Since: 05 Jul 2007
Location: Cotswolds
Posts: 2515
How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it
Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it
Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh
Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it
You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it
I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter it it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeate it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it (oh no)
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat itGlobal Warming.... I'm luvvin it
23rd Sep 2009 9:29 am
baart
Member Since: 03 May 2007
Location: WARSAW
Posts: 136
It was on the good ship Venus
By Christ, you should've seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast was a mammoth penis
The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty
He wasn't fit to shovel
From one place to another
[Chorus:]
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was all else to do
The captain's name was Morgan
By Christ, he was a gorgon
Ten times a day sweet tunes he'd play
On his organ
The first mate's name was Cooper
By Christ he was a trooper.
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor
[Chorus]
The second mate was Andy
By Christ, he had a dandy
Till they crushed his cock with a jagged rock
For cumming in the brandy
The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a nipper
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper
[Chorus]
The Captain's wife was Mabel
To she was not able
So the dirty , they nailed her tits
Across the barroom table
The Captain had a daughter
Who fell in deep sea water
Delighted squeals revealed that eels
Had found 'er sexual quarters| Il boit pour oublier qu'il vit
Il dort pour oublier qu'il boit
C'est un bien triste
Un bien triste sort |
A love-struck Romeo sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made.
Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like, "You and me babe, how about it?"
Juliet says, "Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"
He's underneath the window, she's singing, "Hey la, my boyfriend's back.
You shouldn't come around here singing up to people like that...
Anyway, what you gonna do about it?"
Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet when you exploded into my heart
And I forget I forget the movie song.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
Come up on different streets, they're both the streets of shame.
Both dirty, both mean, yes, in the dream it was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real.
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals?
Well you can fall for chains of silver,
You can fall for chains of gold,
You can fall for pretty strangers
And the promises they hold.
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin, yeah!
Now you just say, "Oh Romeo? Yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him".
Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry.
You said, "I love you like the stars above, I'll love you 'til I die".
There's a place for us, you know the movie song.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
I can't do the talk, like the talk on TV
And I can't do a love song, like the way it's meant to be.
I can't do everything, but I'll do anything for you.
I can't do anything, 'cept be in love with you!
And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be.
All I do is keep the beat... and bad company.
Now all I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme,
Juliet, I'd do the stars with you any time!
Juliet, when we made love you used to cry.
You said, "I love you like the stars above, I'll love you 'til I die".
There's a place for us, you know the movie song.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
And a love-struck Romeo sings a street-suss serenade
Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
Finds a convenient streetlight, steps out of the shade
He says something like, "You and me babe, how about it?"
I never was a violent man
Said the man in the bar with his head in his hands.
He's trying his best to understand the cause of his dismay.
But the years of gin have broken him
They've left him cold where he's fitted in
But It's too late now to turn around and find another way.
And the laughs in the late night lock-in
Have faded away when he gets in.
The girl from fifteen years ago
Has packed and gone away.
"That's never how it used to be.
What happened to all that energy?
You took one too many liberties, I'm tired of being afraid."
So after the fight, she took flight
Hiding swollen eyes and a wounded pride.
The best years of her life denied, and sold for liquid shares.
And the laughs in the late night lock-in
Have faded away when he gets in.
The girl from fifteen years ago
Has packed and gone away.
And the victims of their world, are advertised on posters.
Just a beach and a pretty girl, if you just take this potion.
Well, it's another week 'til his cheque comes through
He's got a fiver left now to spend on food
But the doors of the bars are open, and he breaks another rule.
Well, he sits on a stool that bears his name
He's got a favorite glass well its called the same.
He's never been kept waiting, 'cos he pays a landlord's wage.
And the laughs in the late night lock-in
Have faded away when he gets in.
The girl from fifteen years ago
Has packed and gone away.
The laughs in the late night lock-in
Have faded away when he gets in.
The girl from fifteen years ago
Has packed and gone away.The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us yet.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
Hey! What's wrong with you?
You're lookin' kind of down to me
'Cause things ain't gettin' over
Listen to what I say
Got to turn around
Got to turn around
Hey! What's wrong with you?
You're lookin' kind of down to me
'Cause things ain't gettin' over
Listen to what I say
Got to turn around
Got to turn around
Hey! What's wrong with you?
You're lookin' kind of down to me
'Cause things ain't gettin' over
Listen to what I say
Got to turn around
Got to turn around
Hey! What's wrong with you?
You're lookin' kind of down to me
'Cause things ain't gettin' over
Listen to what I say
Got to turn around
Got to turn around
Ooooh, oooh,
Ooooh, oooh,
Hey! What's wrong with you?
You're lookin' kind of down to me
'Cause things ain't gettin' over
Listen to what I say
Got to turn around
Got to turn around
Got to turn around
Listen to what I say
Got to turn around
Got to turn aroundBen
1996 Defender 90 300 TDi
23rd Sep 2009 4:47 pm
Alex E Holy Bratwurst!
Member Since: 22 Mar 2006
Location: Club Tropicana (the drink's aren't free)
Posts: 869
That's right you knows what i'm saying,
your mothers offered me the goods, i'm not paying.....
classic GLC!I'm Powered by........Diesel
23rd Sep 2009 5:04 pm
tanters
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
Oh you sexy hermaphrodite lady-man-ladies
With your sexy lady bits
And your sexy man bits too
Even you must be in to you ooo ooo
All the ladies in the world
I wanna get next to you
Show you some gratitude
By makin' love to you it's the least we can do...
If every soldier in the wo-orld
Put down his weapon and picked up a woman
What a peaceful world this world would be-eee...
Redheads not warheads
Blondes not bombs
We're talkin' about brunettes not fighter jets
Oooh Oooh it's got to be Sweet 16's not M-16's
When will the governments realize it's got to be funky sexy ladies?A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
Last edited by tanters on 23rd Sep 2009 5:14 pm. Edited 1 time in total
23rd Sep 2009 5:08 pm
ad15
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: up that tree
Posts: 4866
ommitting suicide to enhance my career
it worked for mickey and tupac shakir
jesus was nailed up to some wood
2000 years later and book sales are still good
i heard in a song suicide is painless
and it's 80% sure to make you famous
w4nking with a bag on yer head tied to a door
that bloke from INXS he knew the scoreone wife.......livid
23rd Sep 2009 5:10 pm
tanters
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
for f**k sake ad A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
Every body Pauses and stares at me......
These two teeth are gone as you can see.....
I don't know just who to blame for this catastrophe.....
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be.....
The older I get, the more I realise that people confuse wrinkles for wisdom
Founder member of Club FFRRV
Club Orange, Mint or Fruit
Club Walnut Sniffers
23rd Sep 2009 5:13 pm
SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
Masturbation Song
You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty
Dollars, Ma'am."
Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a w anker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!
It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license
You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America, Give Yourselves a Hand!
(Musical bridge, with lots of suggestive dance moves on the
ROCKER'S part. For instance, he does that one bit where you
jump backwards on one leg while playing air guitar, except that
instead of playing air guitar he's stroking air w anker.)
You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion
You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Shwartzenegger pounds it, Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a HandI believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
23rd Sep 2009 5:14 pm
tanters
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
Cause you're so beautiful...
Like a tree. Or a high class prostitute.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part time model.
But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job.
A part time model.
Spend part of your time modelling.
And part of your time next to me.A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
, he was born back-to-front
Jdea - 
