Member Since: 13 Oct 2014
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 1751
Brexit explained for a golfer
David Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key after 43 years a member when Michel Barnier the membership secretary sees him."Hello Mr. Davis", says Mr. Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you are no longer renewing your club membership, if you would like to come to my office we can settle your account".
"I have already settled my bar bill" says Mr. Davis..
"Ah yes Mr. Davis", says Mr. Barnier, "but there are other matters that need settlement"
In Mr. Barnier’s office Mr. Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club? "Well Mr Davis" begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one of our latest Badged Blazers".
"Yes" agrees Mr Davis "I did agree to buy a Blazer but I haven't received it yet". "As soon as you supply the jacket I will send you a cheque for the full amount".
"That will not be possible" explains Mr Barnier. "As you are no longer a club member you will not be entitled to wear one of our Blazers"!
"But you still want me to pay for it" exclaims Mr Davis.
"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "That will be £500 for the Blazer.
"There is also your bar bill".
"But I've already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis.
"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our bar is properly stocked".. "You regularly used to spend at least £50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with the brewery accordingly for the coming
year". "You therefore owe us £2600 for the year"..
"Will you still allow me to have these drinks?" asks Mr Davis. "No of course not Mr Davis". "You are no longer a club member!" says Mr Barnier.
"Next is your restaurant bill" continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers". "Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a month, so we'll require payment of £3600 for the next year".
"I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals either" asks Mr Davis.
"No, of course not" says an irritated Mr Barnier, "you are no longer a club member!"
"Then of course" Mr Barnier continues, "there are repairs to the clubhouse roof".
"Clubhouse roof" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do with me?"
"Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are coming in next week", your share of the bill is £2000".
"There is of course the car park and drive, you were a member when we agreed to spend £800,000 refurbishing it, your share of that will be £1,000"
"There is of course are the improvements to the Golf Course. The membership of which you were one, made the decision last year at the AGM which you attended (and voted in favour) to commence the upgrade of the golf course the total cost of £3,000,000 of which your share is £3750"
"I see" says Mr Davis, "anything else?".
"As you are aware Fred the barman is not in good health and as you were party to the discussions that agreed that after 40 years of good service the club would allow him to retire this week 3 years early on full pay we will expect £100 as your contribution to that cost and anticipating that Fred will live maybe 10 years after the 3 years a contribution to his pension will be calculated and invoiced monthly".
"Let me get this straight" says Mr Davis, "you want me to pay for a Blazer you won't let me have, for a drive and car park I can't use, to get to repaired clubhouse/upgraded golf course I can't use, for beverages and food you won't let me drink and eat and NOT being served by a man who is NOT going to be there.
"Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable" says Mr Barnier.
Now we understand what Brexit is all about.There are two rules for success,
1. Never tell everything you know.
Member Since: 26 Sep 2006
Location: ASTURIAS
Posts: 2399
posted before ...by bigdave! you’r late!! sorry!!lost in translation!
DISCOVERY 3 SE man. TDV6 2006, my true love!
DEFENDER 2 SE D I6 MHEV 2024, other live.
23rd Nov 2017 10:52 am
Madrilleno
Member Since: 13 Oct 2014
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 1751
Grrr. Didn't do my usual pre-post joke search. I will discipline myself.There are two rules for success,
1. Never tell everything you know.
Member Since: 26 Sep 2006
Location: ASTURIAS
Posts: 2399
do not lose the good habits! many eyes looking here!lost in translation!
DISCOVERY 3 SE man. TDV6 2006, my true love!
DEFENDER 2 SE D I6 MHEV 2024, other live.
23rd Nov 2017 10:58 am
Riccardo
Member Since: 20 Feb 2010
Location: Porto (was Kent)
Posts: 4123
Re: Brexit explained for a golfer
Madrilleno wrote:
David Davis is at the golf club
...
Now we understand what Brexit is all about.
Here we go another one It takes all sorts (to make a world).
D3 HSE LHD gone but not forgotten
23rd Nov 2017 12:12 pm
DG Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50955
Click image to enlarge
24th Nov 2017 9:26 am
Riccardo
Member Since: 20 Feb 2010
Location: Porto (was Kent)
Posts: 4123
It takes all sorts (to make a world).
D3 HSE LHD gone but not forgotten
24th Nov 2017 10:14 am
LT
Member Since: 31 Dec 2005
Location: South West
Posts: 23426
Irish Border update (of sorts):
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-421297592006 D3 HSE (Original & still the best)-GONE
2010 D4 HSE (A bit bling)-GONE
2014 D4 HSE (Almost too bling)-GONE
2015 D4 HSE (A heated what?)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Written Off)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Surely the last!) PD1881 rims-GONE
2017 FFRR SDV8 Autobiography
26th Nov 2017 5:46 pm
DG Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50955
Edited Brexit impact statements are to be released tomorrow..... here's a taster
Click image to enlarge
28th Nov 2017 1:44 am
Riccardo
Member Since: 20 Feb 2010
Location: Porto (was Kent)
Posts: 4123
So finally negotiations can probably progress with UK finally coming back as requested with a substantially increased offer for the Brexit Bill. lets see the official communication if confirmed. Other time wasted
Quote:
UK offers up to €55 billion to settle Brexit bill: report It would also mark a significant retreat for Brexiteers in the Cabinet.
By James Randerson
11/28/17, 8:22 PM CET
The U.K. has made an offer to the EU on the Brexit bill of between €45 billion and €55 billion, according to the Telegraph.
Member Since: 20 Feb 2010
Location: Porto (was Kent)
Posts: 4123
Quote:
7/11/17, 2:44 PM CET
Updated 8/17/17, 10:33 PM CET
European Union leaders can “go whistle” if they expect the U.K. to pay a large Brexit divorce bill, Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson said Tuesday.
Speaking in the House of Commons, prominent Brexiteer Johnson said reported estimates of the money the U.K. will owe upon leaving the EU — figures of €60 billion and even €100 billion have been mentioned — were “extortionate.”
Tory Euroskeptic Philip Hollobone told parliament the U.K. had paid “a total of £209 billion” into the EU coffers “since we joined the common market on January 1, 1973.”
He asked Johnson, “Will you make it clear to the EU that if they want a penny piece more then they can go whistle?”
The foreign secretary replied: “I’m sure that your words will have broken like a thunderclap over Brussels and they will pay attention to what you have said.”
Member Since: 13 Aug 2010
Location: Wiltshire
Posts: 13968
The UK's future is in the hand of Buffoons and idiots who couldn't get a job outside of being a politician. We're screwed.New Defender L663 110 SE (known as Noddy!)
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29th Nov 2017 8:31 am
RRSTDV8
Member Since: 07 Apr 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 13144
"We won't pay a penny to leave" becomes "We'll give you 50billion to leave".
"We're leaving the customs union and single market" becomes what? Northern Ireland's border issue will mean either part/all of the UK stays in the union/market or part of the UK leaves the UK.
All to keep a couple of dozen xenophobic, sorry "Eurosceptic", Tory MPs happy. Visiting from rrsport.co.uk
2012 RRS SDV6
2008 RRS TDV8
"When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning: SIT DOWN AND TALK!"
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